I have often observed on several occasions, the so-called modern, Ya-Ya/Hi-Bi generation of women, mostly over-aged earning spinsters or dejected and destitute divorcees (who have been addressing their ex-husbands as Yaar) ruefully grumbling that men have not changed at all (!) while women have advanced a lot. Educated, unemployed-parasitic housewives too, belong to the same grumbling, ‘elite’ class who regularly burn their husband’s hard earned money in purposeless shopping or lavish kitties, which they attend with a cute little chihuahua in their cozy, coveted laps as the latest fashion statement.
Now that I am fed up of these frequent swiping barbs, I decided to pick-up the gauntlet and respond overwhelmingly. Now it’s for them to take it or leave it. It is true, men have not changed. However, it is because their ‘Mataji-s’ have not allowed them to change.
Since the moment of birth of male-infant till his tender age of 10 or so, he is reared under powerful clutches of his mother. First 10 years or so of his life are very crucial in nature as these are the foundational years of a male life. Whatever is taught during this phase of life, imparts lasting, life-long imprint on the delicate, impressionable mind of a young boy. During this impressionable phase, poor father has hardly any role to play in psychological development of his son as he mostly too much engaged with his own fledgling career. Even otherwise, fathers are mostly confined to education, career and other external matters of their children. Now, if this boy ‘does not change’ (in other words, does not wag his tail behind Ya-Ya / Hi-Bi / Yaar brand of deluded women before/after marriage !), who should be blamed? Indeed, another woman i.e. his mother! If this boy grows-up into a man who has scant regard for women, indulges in eve-pricking or treats his wife as a doormat, who should be blamed ultimately? As a matter of fact again, another woman i.e. his mother. Why so? Because, our mothers do not instruct their sons during their foundational years of life that they must respect women/girls when they grow-up…that they must respect their wives as their equals…that they must strike a fine balance between their wives and mothers/sisters…that they must not allow their mothers to ill-treat their wives! And why should she? Isn’t it detrimental to her own egoistic personal interest? I am extremely curious to know, how many mothers have imparted this basic lesson of life unto their sons during those foundational years, under their direct responsibility of rearing their sons?
Interesting part of the story is that these chocolate/chewing-gum women too, so effusive with their Ya-Ya / Hi-Bi / Yaar mannerisms, have not been instructed by their mothers during those foundational years of their lives, to respect men / husbands when they grow-up. Consequently even as wives, they continue treating their husbands as hostel room-mates or at best, boy-friends! Parents, particularly mothers, do not object at all as they consider these vulgarities as a sign of changing times…a freedom that those mothers could not enjoy for themselves and they have been sulking all these years of their lives within themselves! And blaming everybody under the sun for that self-created / self-imposed anguish.
This is the main factor of rising incidence of divorces in our country. If women really wish to be respected by their / other men, they must begin with instructing their sons to respect women, treat them well, change their outlook towards women in general and all those lessons. Ya-Ya / Hi-Bi / Yaar women of today in fact blame themselves effectively by blaming men. Are they really conscious of it? If mothers take a firm stand, the scourge of female-infanticide shall vanish in no time, a black-spot on our nation’s countenance which even the best of government machinery cannot tackle decisively without co-operation of mothers. If mothers-in-law take a firm resolve, there shall NEVER be any dowry murder or dowry harassment. It is mostly women who derogate other women. Women are never best friends / well-wishers of other women. At best, they are rivals. It is interesting to note that majority of complaints under Domestic Violence Act are directed against mothers- and sisters-in-law, not against husbands / fathers-in-law. Survey reports tell, enlightened women professionals do not prefer to work with women, but with men. It reflects volumes on the state of their self-respect and self-esteem.
Bhagwan Sri Rama is squarely blamed by these thoughtless women for turning out His wife, Sita from the palace but they do not blame those two venomous and deluded women Maharani Kaikeyi and her maid Manthara for ejecting Sri Rama, His brother Laksmana and Sita from the Kingdom itself for 14 years ! As a tragic consequence, Maharaja Dasrath expired as he could not bear with the agony. Yet these shallow-minded damsels would never utter a word about it. That Sri Rama honoured words of his step-mother and her maid is inconsequential to them. They castigate and condemn Goswami Tulsidas for declaring women “…Taadan Ke Adhikari” without realising that this is in fact, one of the highest adorations of women that the ascetic-poet rendered unto them. They simply do not understand owing to their chewing-gum schooling what the poet-saint had in his mind while stating so. Hindus have been the only community in the world who have always accorded equal, rather more than equal status to women in society. They have always been adored and regarded as symbols of the venerable Sakti. It was almost at the dawn of foreign invasions, mostly under the influence of inimical forces that the entire scenario changed for the worse. Foreign forces that invaded the country, intended to plunder and subjugate local populace. Some of them were compelled to commit atrocities on women while several others moved with the momentum of social forces unleashed having no courage to resist or resolve.
I appeal to women of Bharat to exert their educational/intellectual/ financial resources to consolidate much cherished family system and pragmatic social values instead of competing blindly / challenging men which is merely self-destructive. Their role-models should be Gargi, Maitreyi and Rani-s Cinamma, Laksmibai etc. instead of those appearing on pages of Delhi Times. There is a marvellous woman I love to talk about. She drew million dollar pay-cheque, headed a multi-national conglomerate, once vied to become US Commerce Secretary but enters her home at the end of every day, only as wife and mother. She calls her marital life perfect, with no ego-clashes at all with her husband. She is Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo.
Key to survival and sustenance of Hindu society rests in the hands of Bharatiya Nari alone. It does not exist in hands of men. This is a reality, they must accept immediately and stop acting flamboyantly. Sooner they do so, better for the survival and renaissance of all of us.