Tantric Sex: How Can You Benefit your Relationship?

Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that has been going for over 5,000 years, and means ‘the weaving and expansion of energy’. It’s a slow form of sex that’s said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to strong experiences. It can be done by anyone interested in rebooting their sex life and finding new depth to their love-making.

“Tantric practices focus on helping us to allow more of that natural energy to flow through us,” adds Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. Carrellas explains that although you can have a tantric quickie, “If you’re being mindful and breathing more and you don’t have a goal, but rather it’s all a journey, you’re going to slow down.”

Practising Tantric Sex

There’s not really a recipe for tantric sex but there are a few guiding principles:


Just like in yoga, focusing on your breathing helps to put you in the moment and make you more mindful, and it also moves energy within your body.

Slowing down

Carrellas recommends the “three for 30” approach. Meaning if you would normally do 30 strokes of something, do only three in the same period of time. Tantra is obviously not for impatient people.

Eye Gazing

“In tantra, we use eye gazing as the gateway into the soul,” says Carrellas. “It puts you into a deep, altered state with someone.”


Moving your body helps move that all-important energy around. Carrellas suggests, “moving your pelvis and PC muscle [the pubococcygeus, the muscle you use in kegels] as an energy pump, not just as a physical fuck muscle. Imagine the energy that’s in your genitals moving up your spine into the rest of your body, over the top of your head, and onto your partner’s body.” Just don’t laugh while you’re imagining this.


There are many reasons to experiment with Tantric sex, whether you’re looking for improvements in the health of your mind, your relationship, or your physical body. The key is mindfulness. Tantric sex is all about intentionality and full presence, and if you can set aside the time to allow yourself to become completely relaxed, vulnerable, and aware of yourself and your partner, you can begin to create new and healthy patterns in your sexuality and your life.