Holiest month of Kartik has already begun just after the Sharad Purnima. There is divine flavour in the atmosphere. This is the time when people enjoy the transition of autumn and dew. But the lifestyle of widows becomes different. There is a strict rule which has connected the widows with the Kartik. There is a belief in Eastern India that a widow must observe the Kartik Vrat and strictly follow the process of “Habisha”. Habisha is a month long vrat and the widows take holy dip early morning, offer prayer to god, perform Tulsi Puja and have food once a day before the sunset. They follow austerity measures and strict discipline during this month.
This is the month when thousands of widows from across the country throng mostly two places either Jagannath Dham Puri of Odisha or Krishna Dham Vrindavan. If anyone talks to these widows and follow their lifestyle, one could feel the hidden pain and one could easily find the suppressed desire behind their strong belief and rituals. Widows of various age group gather in these holy places. Be it mid age widow or a widow of old age, all follow the same process of Vrat. This is the time they try to forget their pain with each other’s company. While talking to them, it could be well understood how they have missed the most what they would have got from a companion with whom they could share their joys and sorrows.
They come across each other in the holy city during this month-long Kartik Vrat period. It looks like as if the monotony of their life broke when they began observing “Habisha” during the month of Kartik. From the beginning of the month, these widows come to the holy cities and stay in either a dharmasala or in a very low budget hotel depending upon their financial capacity. What is this life they live? While interacting one can understand their pain of losing their husband, struggle for survival and in some cases also the torture in the family. Anyone who gives a little emotional support to these people, they go back with memories which keep them going. Every year these people meet at one particular holy place to carry out the special rituals associated with the month making loads of friends.
Whether it is Puri or Vrindavan or any such Holy place, thousands of widows gather during this month for sure. This time, more than 5000 widows gathered in Vrindavan and more at Puri. The number would increase day by day and may touch around 10,000 during the last five days of the month i.e. from November 19 till November 23 this year. They have come from various districts of different states and live as a close-knit family for a month performing the rituals and gathering memories and celebrating friendship in the process.
Every widow gathered here have almost similar story. All have same concern that after the heavenly abode of their beloved husbands, after their kids have grown up, everyone in the family keep busy and the loneliness often kills them. They wait throughout the year for this time when they can meet their old friends and make new ones. It seems as if the month-long affair comes as a breath of fresh air in their life.
These widows get together only in Vaishnav or Krishna Dham. There is a belief in some scriptures of Hindus that after losing their husbands, these widows cannot offer their Puja or Vrat to Lord Shiv. Few places in India are as closely associated with the deity Krishna as is Vrindavan, on the banks of the Yamuna and Puri Jagannath Dham at the bank of Bay of Bengal in Odisha. Hence, mostly these places get crowded with the flow of Widows during Kartik.
Early in the day, all the old ladies gather around the Tulasi Pandal for worshipping which is known as “Tulsi Pujan” followed by rounds of prayers throughout the day. Every day, each one of them reads out the Kartik vrat Katha known as Kartik Puran and all the women are supposed to chant the same after her. In between these spiritual rituals, one can find rounds of giggling and sometimes laughter interrupting the session. It becomes a different atmosphere during that interruption time…as if they are flushing their hearts out and relaxing themselves. They might have grown old but certainly it seems they are still young at heart. However, that doesn’t mean they are not serious about the rituals. They just love to do it their way.
A significant part of their month-long routine is the Krishna leela that these women perform every day. These plays are based on Radha-Krishna love stories. While two of the women dress up as Radha and Krishna, the rest play gopis. One can easily find the artistic personalities within them which remain suppressed in the rest of the year. Even though they have lot of interest in other many social things, yet the society has put a stigma on them and barred them to do anything that a normal lady could do. The month of Kartik is Lord Krishna’s favourite month and it glorifies his pastime. So, the plays also help them get closer to God in their ways.
When they had to suppress their desire the whole year long, it comes out like volcano eruption when they get their freedom and get their own circle to share their happiness. Apart from the regular spiritual talks, religious rituals etc, their topics of discussion range from dressings of Gen-Y girls to India’s journey to Mars and from Bollywood films to PM Modi. Few of them crack jokes and do mimicry as well which become a source of entertainment for all.
But, the journey has its share of sorrows as well. They meet each other only once a year and hardly get to keep in touch in between. They come from various parts of the country, some from urban, semi urban and some from rural areas and do not know how to use technology to keep in touch. Many a time, when they meet after a year, they get to know about someone’s death they had become good friends with. This is the time when they share sad part of their lives with each other. They talk to each other as if they are the one family for the month.
For those, who come from far-off places, travelling is a problem. There are many such ladies who stay alone at their village, and there is no one to accompany them to the city. It becomes hard for them to come all this way alone, but still they manage. Throughout the year they keep on saving little money for the expenses of Kartik Vrat in these nearby holy cities and those who have some nears and dears get some assistance from close relatives as well.
Amid all the hardships that are part of their lives, what draws them to this place every year is the urge to renew old friendships. They say good bye to each other and go their own way once the last rituals take place on the day of Kartik Purnima which is celebrated as “Boita Bandan“ in eastern state Odisha. They go back with enough memories to keep them going till the next year and with a lot of hope that they would again meet at the same time in the next year.
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