By no stretch of imagination, may I be dubbed irrational or anything else for that matter. Even after completing more than half of my joyous life, I have been able to identify ONLY ONE marriage which may be called Love-Marriage, if at all! That is the marriage of Swami Ramakrsna Paramahamsa and Ma Sarda. Sounds strange, indeed. Ironically, it is true for me at least. Because Love Marriage is a misnomer. It does not exist.
So-called love marriages are predominantly passion marriages, infatuation marriages or merely lust marriages for that matter. I find it utterly absurd to declare them ‘Love Marriages’. Falling in ‘love at first sight’ very well fits in the scheme of so-called love marriages. This ‘falling in love’ may be motivated by the greed of wealth, status, mere physical / carnal attraction or any other flimsy reason. In all such cases, emotionally deprived (by parents / families) and insecure youngsters are ripe ‘to fall in love’ with those who may be completely incompatible, giving rise to the idiotic, proverbial saying – Love Is Blind. In fact, love is never blind. That’s not love at all. It is the intellect / mind of the person ‘falling in love’ that is miserably dark and blind.
Love is absolutely awake, conscious, selfless and devoid of possessiveness. It is divine in nature, remains fresh and fragrant always and ever. Lust / passion marriages almost invariably lead to bitter acrimony, violence and then, divorce. Passion and lust never last. Cosmic laws cannot be violated or taken for granted as passion or lust evaporates too soon because it is transient in nature. Swami Vivekananda too, had addressed all Johns and Janes in America on the subject of passion/infatuation/lust marriages, practiced by them in the garb of love marriages and horrifying consequences which their society has been condemned to bear with. Noble souls are never born to passion/lust/infatuation marriages. Mostly demoniacal ones are born to such couples giving rise to further degradation of society.
Arranged marriages are based on compatibility of past Karma-s, Samskaras thereof and future possibilities. Karma-s and future possibilities are accessed through horoscopes. Compatibility also includes family background, too. Blessings of elders from both sides constitute foundation for the success of arranged marriages. Lot of thinking goes into decision-making regarding arranged marriages. Exploring the spouse after marriage, sparingly known hitherto is yet another charm of arranged marriage instead of it’s being a disadvantage. When Karma-s of both sides match and the couple blessed all around, noble souls are attracted towards them to be born to them. Thus, through properly arranged marriages, society evolves for the better.
For all the so-called deficiencies/deformities of the institution of arranged marriage, further improvisation is the adequate/appropriate response, certainly not passion/lust/ infatuation marriage in the garb of love marriage. It is an onerous responsibility upon parents not to cause their kids emotionally starved or unattended. A youngster who is emotionally sound and well-fed psychologically by parents, shall never fall in ‘love’ with anyone just at the drop of hat to confirm and re-confirm, Love Is Blind. Rest assured about that. He/she shall be an ardent supporter of arranged marriage through well-thought over considerations and collective decision. Then Romeos shall not be able to first seduce innocent girls, then ruin their lives. Then, Love-Jihad shall cease to exist. Muslim community is simply deriving advantage of the prevalent emotional scars on our young daughters and it must be countered immediately and effectively.
The matter is so serious in nature that it cannot be brushed under one’s carpet just because of heavy engagements, professional commitments, scarcity of time and all that blah, blah…stakes are very very stupendous involving our lives, future of our Hindu society as well as future of our country. These must be our first priority, then only personal/professional advancements.
Americans/Europeans crave for family, spouse, kids etc. They are agape with wonder at the success of our ancient family / extended family system while struggling to replicate / transplant the same into their society. Ultimately, our ancient values are time-tested and successful because these are ultra-modern and eternally modern. That is why these are being emulated by the so-called most modern, western societies while we treat these nonchalantly and indifferently. Had our Hindu values not been ultra-modern (these have always been ahead of their time), these would not have survived, leave alone flourishing all these years. Avoid ‘love-marriage’. Practise and welcome arranged marriages with blessings of all. Love-Jihad too, shall then die its own well deserved death and incidence of divorces decline drastically.